Wow, the different between talking to what I imagine you would be and talking to YOU is so different. Every time I wake up, I know that even for a little bit, I am some little cluster of cell’s mom. For real, not that dreaming stuff.
After 3 positive tests yesterday, I made a doctor’s appointment for today. I had to find out what was going on. The sharp pangs in my lower back made me think that perhaps you are an ectopic pregnancy, in which case, my conversations with you would have to cease. I was so nervous on the drive over, and then, as soon as I walk into the doctor’s office, they give me this giant party favor bag with merchandising and marketing samples and tell me “congratulations!” and I am mortified. What if you are ectopic? Do I leave the bag here? I know I am not strong enough to take it home!
After waiting 2 long hours in the waiting room, all the while so nervous and so sleepy (between the “morning” sickness and nervousness, I did not get much sleep last night!), Dr. Rashada gave me an intrauterine sonography and there you were! My little cluster of cells is right there, looking beautiful and strong. Dr. Rashada thinks you’re at about 5 weeks which will make you due about May 7th. For the first time since Thursday morning, I shed some tears. I am happy.
As an aside, the pain I am feeling in my lower back is residual stuff from the Clomid where my ovary cyst is still ginormous and looks like this:
which is causing it to press up against my spine. Fortunately, this should go away in another 10 weeks. Then we will be out of the woods as far as miscarriage too. Around November 1st is when we can share the news with friends and family and I am praying very hard everything goes okay through then (and beyond!)
Tomorrow and Monday I have labwork done to determine if I need supplemental progesterone to ensure you stick around. You have no idea how excited we are, and trying to contain ourselves in spite of it.
I still think you’re a boy. Your dad still thinks you’re a girl. We should know by the beginning of December, so we can settle a big Christmas debate!
I love you. Oh, I never knew I could love like this, despite my morning sickness.